This first year

Published on 8 April 2023 at 18:26

I cried, and they said it will get better with time,
I wept, and they said those tears will soon no longer be mine,
I wailed, and they said that life will get back to being fine,
Yes, that’s what they said.

 

Over a year, and no, it does not get better with time,
Over a year, and those tears are as fresh as when they first flowed from these eyes of mine,
Over a year, and no, life does not get back to being fine,
This I know, because it’s been over a year.

 

Feeling lost and feeling stuck, I reached out and I asked,
I searched and I researched this thing called grief, this thing that just plain sucks!
Every thought, every memory, every pic of him sorrow it would stir up,
How can I get past these feelings?
How can I embrace them all, yet, bounce back?

 

My Family!

 

My Family is Mama, brothers dear, and adorable nephews all around me,
My Family is friends who’ve cared, been with me through my deepest fear,
They never let go and never left being beside me.


There is another group I consider family, and this group is not one I knew back then,
This group belonged to my brother, they were his mates, his cohorts, his friends.
This his other family, for him they have rallied, have shown their love, and in that have added to my strength.
Strength to feel the hurt, feel the loss, feel the pain, and through all this, strength to remind me to let my love for him be the one that reigns.

 

It’s been over a year, and I still cry,
My heart still aches, still feels heavy,
At times I couldn’t even tell you why.

It’s been over a year, and I am still working on my feelings,
To not fight or ignore them, to not let them just go by.

 

This thing called grief is a journey, a trip that is lifelong I’ve come to see.
There is no "it will get better," at least not if I am being true to me.
Life does move on, absolutely, whether I choose to jump on board or not,
What I thought life was or would be, is what I have learned it absolutely is not.


And so now, I am working on living, living such that I have no regrets.
Living to honor my life’s goals and desires, and living for my brother, this will be my test.

- Linda Rosslyn 09/08/2022

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